You walked on to the yacht like you were walking into a party
Your look stolen from Warren Beaty, your lines were Mick Jagger
You could have had any woman in the room
The old, the senile, the blind drunk were all yours for the taking...
So why the fuck did you hit on me?
I carefully constructed my responses to your questions
Making sure the box I put you back in had a secure lock
Something with a few air holes and a cast iron base
If I couldn't get rid of you politely
The very least I could do was drown you to protect the human race.
A few days later a friend asked if they could pass on my number
"The guy sitting opposite? Sure!" thinking of the hottie to your left
No one in their right mind could think a female would want you calling
I really need to find some friends in their right fucking mind.
So... 3 months later what did I learned from you?
Never date a guy because his parents are nice.
If he takes you out to to a steak and pasta house
after you've explained you're a coeliac vegetarian walk off.
If a guy doesn't listen on the first date he won't listen on the third.
What I wish he'd learn? Rubbing my bottom for an hour isn't foreplay
Making moves on me while I pretend to be asleep is creepy
If you can't handle crowds don't date the youngest of seven
Leave the beard... anything that helps cover up your face
Anything that helps hide who you really are
Works to your advantage.